Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
