thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
