Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
