oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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