if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
