wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
