remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
