I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
