I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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