If that was your dad, he is hot
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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