he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
