Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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