My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
