dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
