i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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