Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
