My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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