Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
