Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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