btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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