there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
