Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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