2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
