how can u be prego again
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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