Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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