you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
