oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
