I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
