I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
