you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
