Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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