Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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