Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
