You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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