We named our party play list daddy issues
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
