Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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