True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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