Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
