no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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