you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Randomize
