I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
its liver damage thursday
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize