Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
FUCK WHALES
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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