he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
