haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
