Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
