What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
