I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
