I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
