you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
