if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
