so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
