I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
