No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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